Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
