my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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