are you still at the devil's house?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
