i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My vagina is officially offended.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
