My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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