you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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