They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
