What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
