It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
