actually, I'm a sock model
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
