so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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