found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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