My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
