Cold hands, warm shart.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize