You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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