were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
