thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
