While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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