I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
