If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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