just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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