she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
