Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize