is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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