i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
