Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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