I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
