if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
