i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Randomize
