just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
