last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize