At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize