You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
