never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
