I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
