new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
