i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
