At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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