this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
