Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
