I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
