my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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