walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So much rum. So many feels.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
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