He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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