I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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