just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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