once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
