I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
