I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
