u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
