Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
