i was born a porn star she said
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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