I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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