he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
