Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
