its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
