The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
And then he peed in my hair
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