Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
