If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
zippers are such a cool invention
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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