oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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