Don't make out with my wife yet
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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