I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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