So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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