He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
