That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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