I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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