I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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