yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
