when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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