I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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